Godchild lessons continued . . . .
If you’re confused, see the post from a few days ago. I thought of a few more, and couldn’t resist posting them.
7. Choose your favors wisely. I wish I’d learned this one sooner. If you’re asked to do a favor, either do it and don’t complain about it, or don’t do it. It’s hard to say no to your friends, but if it’s something that’s going to do nothing but piss you off every time you think about it, it’s probably best to be honest, and say no. Your friend will get over it.
8. Don’t be passive aggressive. Don’t hint around at things. Hints are annoying. Ask for what you want.
9. Don’t loan something that you really need, or anything that the borrower can’t afford to replace. You might be able to make better decisions about this as an adult, but if it’s something that you rely on — like a car, or money that you’re using to pay your bills — probably best not to gamble it. Besides, at your age, you’re probably loaning something that belongs to your parents, which is never a good idea.
10. Grape before grain. When you start drinking, which, at the rate of society, might be in about five years, you’ll need some guidelines. Auntie Gina won’t drink WITH you (until you’re legal), but I’ll give you some advice. Don’t mix liquors. Here are the rules of thumb:
Hard liquor is classified as vodka, gin, rum, tequila, whiskey, or anything else that’s over 90 proof. It gets you really drunk, really fast, so don’t go sipping it like it’s kool-aid (not that you could).
If you MUST mix (because I know how these parties get), remember that beer and hard liquor are usually okay.
Wine BEFORE (and I’m talking, like, an hour before) hard liquor should be okay (depending on how much you’ve had). Wine or champagne AFTER hard liquor is like asking to spend the night with your head in the toilet. Champagne in and of itself (especially the kind that you can afford)is prone to give you headaches, and will eventually make you sick if you don’t stop drinking before you feel nausea.
On New Year’s Eve, it’s a bad idea to switch from a lot of champagne at midnight to a lot of vodka after midnight. Don’t start the year on the nasty floor of a bathroom.
Some of us who are seasoned partiers (I’m not naming any names) have ways of circumventing illness regardless of the alcohol, but it’s best that you pick a drink at the beginning of the night and stick with it.
Oh, and don’t go drinking any random funny-colored punch that was concocted in a lab by the pimply faced boy in your glass. Who knows what’s in it, and before you get your stomach pumped, you won’t sound intelligent when the doctor asks you what you drank before you passed out and you say “I don’t know. Booger gave it to me.”
11. Your parents, grandparents and godparents know what’s up. Regardless of the wholesome facades that your parents might TRY and project, I can tell you that they’re no angels. Some of them continue to live debaucherous lives, and you’re probably none the wiser. My point is that there is nothing, I repeat — NOTHING — that you can do that hasn’t been done by your parents, grandparents, and especially your godparents. You might be smart, but you’re not smarter than we are. You will get busted. Sometimes we’ll laugh about it, because we remember how it was. Other times, we’ll bust your ass . . . because we remember how it was.
More later, I’m sure!
