I’m so lazy It’s raining, but if it gets a few de…

I’m so lazy

It’s raining, but if it gets a few degrees colder, it’s definitely going to snow. I’m sitting on the couch after eating a bowl of Raisin Bran, trying to psych myself up to go across the street for a party. It’s literally ACROSS THE STREET. WTF? Why can’t I pry myself from the couch? Could it be because I’ve had something to do every night this week, and I could really use some downtime?

On another note, I’m watching some educational-type show on A&E or TLC. There’s a woman who is trying to quit drinking for a few weeks (lofty goals, right?) and her quasi-nutritionist is giving her tips on what she should be eating to make it easier for her.

How hard can it be to stop drinking for a few freakin’ weeks??

Anyhoo … the “advisor” is telling her to eat lots of fruits and vegetables to help with this paltry detox, and then suggests that she drinks a lot of “fresh, clean water.” As opposed to what? Stale toilet water? Melted snow? But then I guess if you’re the type of person who’s going to have problems getting off the sauce for a few weeks, you might also have the inability to discern between fresh, clean water, and what might be found in a gutter or urinal.

I know . . . weird story. But I found it amusing.

Best Mugshots of 2005 I can always count on The S…

Best Mugshots of 2005

I can always count on The Smoking Gun website for levity when I’m having a crappy day. They’ve put together a wonderful assortment of the funniest mugshots of 2005. I don’t know if I like 14 or 15 the best. Hell, they’re all pretty funny.

Check them out!

New stuff, and BILLS!!! I got myself a wonderful …

New stuff, and BILLS!!!

I got myself a wonderful Christmas present. I welcomed myself into the new millenium and bought a laptop. It’s really great to be able to write anywhere — instead of being glued to the room dedicated to being an office — AND to be able to check email from anywhere in the house. LOVE it! I should have done it years ago.

I also got myself a shearling coat, which I had no business doing, since I was allegedly Christmas shopping at the time of purchase. I don’t even know how I found myself in the coat/fur section, since I have noted obsession with outer wear. My mother is absolutely no help. She goads me into making large purchases — particularly if the item is on discount. If left up to her, shopping would be part of everyone’s daily routine.

As much as I love those gifts to myself, I had thoughts of returning everything when I opened my gas bill. If anyone is excited about owning a home, let me give you something to think about — you don’t know the feeling that is the harrowing combination of surprise, pain, anguish, regret, sadness, and any other negative emotion you’d like to throw in there, UNTIL you remove a utility bill from the envelope and realize that it’s in excess of $300.

Let me give you the answer to some FAQs (most of them from my mother)
1. YES, I paid my bill last month. That bill reflects 34 days of usage.
2. NO, I don’t keep my heat any higher than about 72 — at the highest
3. YES, I used my programmed electronic thermostat
4. YES, I’m planning on sticking my head in my gas oven for an ironic form of suicide.

WTF????? In fact, I would say that this gas bill qualifies as the WTF moment of the year.

Oh, and by the way, the column dropped today. Yippee.

Did everyone have a nice holiday??? What did you …

Did everyone have a nice holiday???

What did you get/give? Use the comment feature and let me know!

I did just what I set out to do — have a fabulous quiet Christmas of solitude. My mother only called me 5 times. I enjoyed my couch, thai food and an impromptu movie (Geisha).

I was almost talked into going to a party around the corner from my house, but I escaped — exhausted from doing absolutely nothing all day.

Holiday countdown! Today is like my Christmas Eve…

Holiday countdown!

Today is like my Christmas Eve, because the 24th is my day to deliver all of my gifts and see people. Christmas is my day off from the world.

I’m sure I’ve blogged about this before, but I usually stay home all day on Christmas, and do whatever I want. If I leave the house, it’s to go catch a movie or grab Thai food. I absolutely love it. It’s like I have the whole world to myself.

In the meantime, though, I’m scrambling for last minute gifts. I went shopping with my father last night, and we ended up buying my mother a flat panel TV for their bedroom. I don’t know why we did this, because she’s going to bitch endlessly about how we spent so much money on a TV. She’ll get over it when she’s laying in bed, enjoying her HDTV.

Shopping, shopping and more shopping I’ll be so g…

Shopping, shopping and more shopping

I’ll be so glad when I can stop Christmas shopping. This season has already been a big cash-suck, and I still have a few major gifts to get.

Here’s an interesting dilemma: A couple of my friends asked me what I want for Christmas, and I told them not to worry about getting me a gift. Honestly, I thought I was making their lives easier by giving them one less person on their shopping list. It doesn’t matter because it never occurs to me that I’m going to get gifts anyway — unless I’m dating someone, which isn’t happening at this time — so this season is really not about what I hope to get.

However, one of my friends told me that I shouldn’t tell people not to give me gifts. Apparently I’m “ruining the fun.” Just when did this season become fun, anyway? After the age of about 15, the holiday season is little more than a pain in the ass, however a great reason to eat and party. But somehow, I’ve become selfish by trying to make everyone’s holiday season a little easier. WTF? Ya can’t win!

Gina B. on the Radio! I know I’m late on this — …

Gina B. on the Radio!

I know I’m late on this — because I always forget to publicize things — but if you’re near a radio at 9:25 am (“real radio,” not satellite), and you’re in Chicago, tune in to 106.3. I’ll be on talking about bad gifts for a few minutes.

Rumor Mill So . . . rumor has it that Denzel Wash…

Rumor Mill

So . . . rumor has it that Denzel Washington and his wife, Pauletta, are divorcing because he has a child from an external relationship with Sanaa Lathan. WTF? I knew he couldn’t keep in his pants, but hasn’t anyone here heard of birth control???

I’m almost 100% I’ve nearly recovered from my pla…

I’m almost 100%

I’ve nearly recovered from my plague/illness. My voice thankfully returned on Sunday, when I promptly hit the streets and did some much needed Christmas shopping — and some for myself. Okay, a LOT for myself. Jeez. I already feel guilty enough.

I shopped with my mother on Sunday, and I realize that the key to our shopping success is in taking separate cars. I loved having the knowledge that I could leave whenever I want, and that I can blast my music on the way home without having to hear any of her shopping trivia, or anything else she deems exciting. Everyone should try it.

And as predicted, there are issues about the Christmas cards. (See earlier post) One of my most irritating relatives called my mother on her cell phone to complain that her sister didn’t receive a card. Mind you, she got a card, but she called to complain that her sister missed out on the family portrait. The interesting thing is that, knowing her sister, she probably doesn’t give a shit anyway. This particular relative just likes to whine and complain. Oh well. We ran out, so I can’t do much about it.

The other irritating thing about the family — and i’m sure this applies to any family — is that they move, don’t send change-of-address cards, and then complain when they don’t receive anything. Whatever.

Don’t speak So, the cold has moved to my throat, …

Don’t speak

So, the cold has moved to my throat, and I’m barely able to speak. While this may be good news for some of you, my clients are certainly not benefitting from my husky, froggy quasi-voice.

I went to my creative agency’s Christmas party last night, and I’m sure that didn’t help things. Although I only had one glass of wine (a far cry from last week’s alcoholic binge), and stayed for about an hour and a half.

The good news is that the Red Eye column dropped today. So . . . if you’re not local, visit the RedEye website, and check it out, or if you really want to brave the snow and cold, grab a weekend edition of Red Eye and turn to page 68. It’s all about the importance of not being boring.

And the good news of last night was that Randal won The Apprentice!! I liked him from the very beginning. I thought it was great that he didn’t allow Trump to also hire Rebecca. He’s such a nice guy that I thought he might cave in, but I liked his quote: “It’s not called the Apprenti.” Kudos to him!!