New stuff, and BILLS!!!

I got myself a wonderful Christmas present. I welcomed myself into the new millenium and bought a laptop. It’s really great to be able to write anywhere — instead of being glued to the room dedicated to being an office — AND to be able to check email from anywhere in the house. LOVE it! I should have done it years ago.

I also got myself a shearling coat, which I had no business doing, since I was allegedly Christmas shopping at the time of purchase. I don’t even know how I found myself in the coat/fur section, since I have noted obsession with outer wear. My mother is absolutely no help. She goads me into making large purchases — particularly if the item is on discount. If left up to her, shopping would be part of everyone’s daily routine.

As much as I love those gifts to myself, I had thoughts of returning everything when I opened my gas bill. If anyone is excited about owning a home, let me give you something to think about — you don’t know the feeling that is the harrowing combination of surprise, pain, anguish, regret, sadness, and any other negative emotion you’d like to throw in there, UNTIL you remove a utility bill from the envelope and realize that it’s in excess of $300.

Let me give you the answer to some FAQs (most of them from my mother)
1. YES, I paid my bill last month. That bill reflects 34 days of usage.
2. NO, I don’t keep my heat any higher than about 72 — at the highest
3. YES, I used my programmed electronic thermostat
4. YES, I’m planning on sticking my head in my gas oven for an ironic form of suicide.

WTF????? In fact, I would say that this gas bill qualifies as the WTF moment of the year.

Oh, and by the way, the column dropped today. Yippee.