Does anyone else think . . . That Jade from Amer…

Does anyone else think . . .

That Jade from America’s Next Top Model, with her blonde spiky hair, looks like Heat Miser? It’s just a thought.

(I’m looking for a comparison picture of Jade with the hair that I’m referring to, but it’s taking me a minute. Be patient.)

More co-worker traits I was inspired by my commen…

More co-worker traits

I was inspired by my commenters from the previous post about my annoying co-worker. There are more problems:

4. He reads over your shoulder. He sees zero problem with walking up behind someone and reading the contents of their computer screen — or whatever’s on their desk. He’s nosy as fuck.

5. He makes the most inane comments. He’ll say things just to say them, and he’ll say them with conviction, as though he’s adding insight. For example, if a bunch of us are sitting in the conference room having lunch in silence, he’ll say: “You know . . . I guarantee you that it’ll get dark later as we get closer to summer.” or “I’ll bet everyone was hungry before they ate lunch.” We all look at each other like “WTF is he talking about???”

6. He breathes really loud, and through his nose.

7. He’s nice, so occasionally we’ll feel badly about flaming him. Until he does #1-6.

Long time no blog Today, I’m trying really hard n…

Long time no blog

Today, I’m trying really hard not to kill a guy that I work with. We’re not on the same project, but he has such annoying habits that everyone in the small office is ready to throw him out the window. He has everything you don’t want in a coworker:

1. He overmanages. He has an idea of what a manager is supposed to be, in terms of being directive and “in charge,” yet no clue as to how to actually get the work done. He’s condescending and he’s hated by his team. We’re waiting for him to tell them how long they can spend in the bathroom.

2. He uses buzz words to make himself sound more intelligent. They don’t help.

3. He has nervous habits. It used to be that he would constantly swing a bat that happened to be laying around the office. The joke was that the bat was his source of power. We made him retire the bat with the threat that we would snatch it from him and beat him to death with it. But lately it’s been an annoying inability to stop shaking his keys as he walks through the office, janitor-style. I’ve been calling him Bookman.

It’s column day!! Visit the site and check it out…

It’s column day!!

Visit the site and check it out.

I missed garbage day!! Can you believe it!? I had a good reason. Last night, I was at a networking soiree, and I had sushi, my mainstay. There were hors d’oeuvres circulating, and I think I had one that had a smidgeon of crab in it. I’m allergic to crab, so I started to feel awful, and my tongue swelled a bit.

I went straight home, went to sleep, and awakened to an incredibly shitty headache. I didn’t take out the garbage, and I didn’t go to my client site. Oh well.

Dissed by my parents So, I called my father this …

Dissed by my parents

So, I called my father this morning after the broadcast to see if watched my news segment.
Dad: “Oh, were you on already?”
Me: “Yeah, Dad. I was on at 8:30ish. You forgot didn’t you?”
Dad: “I surely did! I was here eating my breakfast and it slipped my mind.”
Me: “So bacon and eggs were more important than your daughter?”
Dad: “Well . . . you taped it, didn’t you?”

I guess I got my answer!

Conversation with mother, immediately following:

Me: “Mom, Dad forgot to watch me on the news.”
Mom: “When were you on the news?!”
Me: “This morning.”
Mom: “I didn’t know that. Did you tell me that?”
Me: “I’m fairly sure I did.”
Mom: “Did you tape it?”
Me: “Yeah, I Tivo’d it.”
Mom: “Okay, well then I’ll see it later. I have work to do. I’ll call you later.”

WTF??

Fox News this morning So, I was interviewed this …

Fox News this morning

So, I was interviewed this morning on Fox News by Tamron Hall on the subject of confirmed bachelors.

In case you’re unaware, confirmed bachelors are the George Clooneys of the world who roam the earth, having a great time, with no thought of getting married or settling down.

I had a great time. Rhonda did my makeup, and actually made me look like a human being at 8:00 am, and right after me, she did Elliot Gould. I could hear his voice as he was walking down the hall. It’s booming, and as distinctive in person as in films. He was a very nice guy, although I don’t know why he was being interviewed. He went on after me, and I didn’t get a chance to see his interview.

Tamron was very sweet, as was everyone in the Fox News studio. A great experience!!

I TiVo’d the clip, so I’ll burn it onto DVD, and somehow try and post it on the blog, in case anyone’s interested. Give me some time, though, because I’ve never done that before, and I’m more than a little challenged in that department.

Hump Day! I finally found my polling place yester…

Hump Day!

I finally found my polling place yesterday at 5:30 pm. It was yet another smelly nursing home approximately 2 blocks from the first smelly nursing home that I went to in the morning.

The new –or should I say correct — polling place wasn’t a pillar of efficiency. The election judges moved at the pace of molasses rolling up a hill. As it turned out it was a good thing that I wasn’t able to vote in the morning. Apparently they didn’t have any pens.

Speaking of which, I can’t remember the last election where I actually had to put physical check marks in a box. No wonder they’re having trouble counting the votes today.

Eye infection et al

I had a follow up visit with the optometrist after using my prescription ($53) eyedrops for about 4 days. She recommended that I stay out of my contact lenses through the week, so I’m still wearing the glasses.

I must say that wearing glasses has been a very different experience. I’ve been getting hit on WAY more with the glasses than without, which surprises me, because I always feel very homely in my glasses. Maybe guys are digging the look, or maybe they think I look like a closet-freak librarian or something. I don’t get it.

Trying to do my civic duty So, this morning, I le…

Trying to do my civic duty

So, this morning, I left the house slightly early so that I could go to my local polling place and cast my vote. Sounds easy, right?

I arrived at my usual polling place, and realized that my name wasn’t on the list. I gave the election judge my address, and he told me that everyone in my precinct had been moved to a different polling place.

I had a little time left, so I followed the instructions to the other polling place, which was the dining area of a nursing home. The place reeked, and reinforced my hope that I never wind up in a nursing home, or that if I do, by then my sense of smell will have been significantly reduced. But I digress . . .

There was a line of three people, and the election judges — who could have been mistaken for residents of the home — were moving at the pace of a snail. There were three election judges that were sitting around smiling at everyone and wouldn’t be bothered to move quickly or be even remotely helpful.

The only woman working seemed to be disoriented and didn’t seem to have a good grasp on alphabetical order, even though she was in charge of locating the names of voters in the big books. Someone somewhere calls her “Big Mama.”

I finally reached the front of the line and gave her my name. She thumbed sloooooooowly through the A’s, and when she reached the B’s, she went past the area where my name should have appeared. At this point, I’m in danger of being late, so it was everything I could do not the snatch the book and find it myself. But then it became obvious that I wasn’t in that book either.

Big Mama sweetly offered to amble over to check my name on the list to find my correct polling place, but I didn’t have time.

All that, and I STILL haven’t cast my ballot. The moral of the story is to read all pieces of mail sent from the Board of Elections.

Has egg donation replaced stripping? It used to b…

Has egg donation replaced stripping?

It used to be that if you were a girl who needed some extra cash to get through college, there was a certain faction of attractive women who would ditch their tops and hit the pole for a boatload of quick cash. These days, attractive women have other options. They can just sell an egg.

I was watching the Today show the other day, and they had a segment dedicated to college girls who sell their eggs for thousands of dollars. THOUSANDS! And of course, everyone pays top dollar for the eggs of good looking, ivy league educated high-IQed white girls in their early 20s. Upwards of $10,000.

Do you know what my egg would earn? The egg of a thirty-plus, moderately educated and somewhat bright black woman would probably garner a check of $50. Eggs from African-Americans seem to be the least in demand. The news report indicated that most people are looking for caucasian eggs, and that Asian and Indian eggs are difficult to find. So what’s up? Are black children not in demand? They didn’t mention Hispanic kids either, so maybe we’re just not the desirable eggs.

Anyway, I think it’s damned unfortunate that the egg donation option wasn’t around when I was in college. I would have found someone to purchase my egg for at least a few thousand. If I could do it now, I would. Hell, I’m not planning to use them. Someone might as well.

Then again, I’m not sure if I want to look at little kids, and wonder if my egg might’ve created that kid. And then pity the poor child for perpetuating my gene pool.

My fave day! It’s garbarge day, the end of the we…

My fave day!

It’s garbage day, the end of the week, and column day!

The column that was released today is all about identifying red flags before you get involved with a weirdo. My friends were so helpful in compiling this list. So helpful that there were a few that didn’t make the cut that I couldn’t fit into my 650 word-count limit. Here are a few of them for your viewing pleasure:

- Hates animals
- Has strange attraction to weird animals — like iguanas or cockatiels.
- Only has one pair of shoes — just one.
- Is jumpy, and frequently has to make “a run”
- Always wants to go dutch
- Has slept with several of your friends or family members
- Doesn’t own a suit
- When talking about his past, makes the distinction between “Old Bob,” and “New Bob”
- Has ongoing contact with an ex for reasons other than friendship — or has ambiguous ‘friendly’ relationships with multiple exes
- Talks about his former life as a delinquent
- Has dirty fingernails

I know I have more, but I’ve run into a time constraint. Please feel free to add some to the list!