The new column dropped today. It’s about the come over guy — the guy that’s only excited about in-home dating. Go to the RedEye site and check it out — http://redeye.chicagotribune.com.
I’ve been meaning to blog about this . . . did anyone see the news report earlier this week about the woman who called 911 to have an allegedly cute officer return to her house?
If not, boy, did you miss it! Apparently, her neighbors called in a noise complaint, and when the officers came to her door to straighten it out, she found one of them to be very attractive. After they left, she realized that she missed her opportunity, so she called 911 to have them return.
The emergency operator asked if she was having a further problem, and she said that she could think of something. Finally she broke down and said “Look, I’m 45, okay? I just thought he was cute.” Or something like that.
The officer returned. To arrest her.
That news story completely depressed me, for so many reasons.
Entertain my dramatic recap of this evening for a minute, please . . .
That poor woman was at home, probably drinking a box of wine and blasting her music to drown out the noise otherwise known as Her Life, while asking the Universe to send her a good guy.
When the doorbell rang, and she saw the two police officers standing in front of her, she probably thought it was a cosmic response to her cry for help. Never mind the reason that he was there. The fact is that he WAS there, and to avoid a missed opportunity, she did the only thing she could to rectify the situation. Granted, she used faulty logic, but it probably made sense at the time.
When he returned, she probably, for a split second thought that she’d done the right thing, and that her perserverance paid off. As soon as he produced the hand-cuffs, she might have even thought she was in for a round of kinky sex. I’m sure her hopes vanished as he put his hand on the back of head . . . and shoved her into the the police car.
As she dialed 911, I’m sure she didn’t anticipate spending a night snuggled up with Cora, a 250 lb. four-time felon with 18 remaining teeth, in lockup.
And to make matters worse (as if they could get worse), the recorded call along with her picture was blasted all over national television and the Today Show. Her pitiful love life is now a joke across the country — and the subject of this post. The only phrase that comes to mind is: Sucks to be her!
I become depressed when I see middle-aged single woman in fits of desperation. I have to wonder if I’ll behave illogically when I’m 45 and single. By then, will I have abandoned my fun, single girls-just-wanna-have-fun attitude in favor of I’m-miserable-and-want-to-stick-my-head-in-the-oven? Will my single friends morph from happy and carefree to desperate, lonely and illogical??
I really hope not.
The primary lesson learned here is that emergency calls aren’t effective in our love lives.
