And not without more phone mayhem. My posts of a few weeks ago indicate that I was having trouble with my beloved cellphone and received a replacement from the insurance company. Yeah, well, that phone was just as fucked up as the first one – still dropping text messages from certain carriers, still spontaneously rebooting. Weird.

So . . . I call for yet another replacement, and go through the exact same rigamarole – can’t get it delivered to another address without forking over my first born (which would actually be okay, if I planned to HAVE a first born), blah, blah, blah.

But this time, there was a twist. UPS is typically the pinnacle of inefficiency, but this time they were much worse than usual. I put in a request to have the delivery address changed, yet when I arrived at home, I had one of those InfoNotices posted on my door. So I called again. Another InfoNotice. I called a third time, with a terse tone, and asked a rep to guarantee that the next delivery would be at my office.

Later that day, I got a call from a surly woman named Ernestine, who left the message that they won’t reroute my package because it’s a phone, and they don’t reroute electronics.

Called Ernestine. Got put on hold for 4 minutes. Hung up. Called again. Again, put on hold. Hung up, yet again. Third time was the charm. I explained to Ernestine that, mere days ago, a phone had been rerouted to me. I was sure that she could find it in her heart to do it again. Again, she explained the policy. Again, I said that I really didn’t give a shit.

The end result was that my phone was finally delivered to my work address. I opened the long-awaited package only to discover that they neglected to include a battery.

WTF?