All day I’ve been trying to recover from my bus ride this morning. I was sitting next to an overgrown teenager — tall and wide — who wedged me in toward the window to accommodate his girth. I emerged from the bus not ready for work, but ready for a long chiropractor appointment.
This is not a new argument, people. But, damn! Let me just highlight a few points about bus etiquette that most people haven’t been taught, or flat out refuse to acknowledge:
1. Be respectful of others’ space. If a person in the next seat continues to edge over, it is not so that you can have more room — it’s because THEY DON’T WANT TO TOUCH YOU. I don’t generally enjoy rubbing bodies with perfect strangers — particularly not those on the bus.
2. Watch your baggage. Backpacks and large purses are deadly weapons and nobody appreciates being hit in the head while seated on the aisle.
3. Control your kids! Everyone isn’t appreciative of your child’s nursery rhymes and tantrums. We also don’t want to hear their noisy toys, and we’re not especially happy that they’re kicking our seats. Teach them to be considerate. Although I suppose considerate children would indicate the presence of a considerate parent. But I digress . . .
4. Don’t yammer away on your cell phone at the top of your lungs. A quiet short conversation is acceptable. Screaming for the entire bus ride is not okay. And depending on who’s sitting next to you, your loud conversation could lead to cell phone destruction. There are some violent,edgy people out there. I’m one of them.
5. Turn down your iPod. If I wanted to enjoy your playlist, I’d ask to use one of your earbuds.
6. Eating on the bus is disgusting (and probably illegal), but if your home is devoid of a dining room table and you simply insist on having a finger-licking, lip-smacking rib tip dinner on the bus, clean that shit up when you’re finished. Nobody wants an ass full of your mild sauce, or to smell the remnants of your salt & vinegar chips and grape soda. Especially not while wearing a suit.
7. Try to refrain from flirting on the bus. Personally, when I’m on the bus, I like to be left alone. I’m either ramping up for work, or decompressing from work. It’s debatable as to whether I even want to talk to people that I already know. Having said that, any attempts at flirtation, seduction, or general random conversation are unwelcomed. However, I’ll allow for those people who will talk to anyone in any given situation, so here are ways to tell that you shouldn’t flirt with someone on a bus:
a) The other person is staring intently out of the window.
b) He/she is wearing headphones
c) He/she is reading a book
d) He/she is sending text messages, or playing a game on the cell phone
e) If you disturb this person from any of the previous activities, he/she gives you a terse, one word answer.
Let’s make the CTA a more pleasant place!!!
