I will admit that I spent a good percentage of NYE watching a few episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians. I’m in disbelief of that household. My parents would probably not find the humor in a gift of a stripper pole in their bedroom. I would find it uproarious, personally, but in an I-can’t-wait-to-see-their-faces-and-I-hope-I-don’t-get-slapped kind of way.
I also find it interesting that Bruce Jenner, lucky stepfather of the Kardashian girls, looks like he’s had about $50,000 worth of plastic surgery. He almost looks fake. WTF? He’s certainly having a Jocelyn Wildenstein moment.
So, the Jenner observation prompted a big rant about things that women do that men shouldn’t do.
1. Excessive plastic surgery. It’s not attractive on a woman, but I don’t want to see a guy with a face pulled so taut that it’s shiny. Ever so un-cute. Barry Manilow is also the poster-child (or should I say poster-old-man) for egregiously having his face sliced and pulled.
2. Fur coats. I have no trouble with fur in and of itself. I own fur. But if my man came home wearing a fur, I might find a tranquilizer gun and try to put him down. It’s not a good look for any build. If the guy is big, he looks like a better groomed version of Bigfoot. If the guy is skinny, he looks . . . well . . . like a pimp. Or maybe a rat. Whatever the case . . . not cute.
3. Purses. I don’t mind the masculine man bag, but I saw a guy on the bus that was carrying a closer to what I would consider to be a purse. It’s a bit too metrosexual — or should I say hetero-flexible — for me.
4. And speaking of hetroflexuality, I’m not into nail polish, or should I say Male polish. A big-ass no-no. Particularly on the feet. Seriously. I don’t mind the buff finish, but the shiny finish has got to go! I know that there are men who will defend it by saying that they’re taking care of themselves. I don’t mind a man who takes care of himself, and hate crusty hands and feet more than most. However, I never, ever, EVER want to hear a man tell me that we have to wait until his toes dry before we go out. Did I say never? I meant NEVER!
5. Blow-dried and curled hair. Think Al Sharpton. Don’t do it!
If you have any more, leave a comment!
SarahO here. I’m still teary with laughter over your list and comments, especially the fur coat and Al Sharpton lines. Seriously, why do men look so wrong in fur? I mean, Inuits look fine in fur but you got it so right; urban American men just look like pimps.
And don’t get me started on cosmetic surgery. Hey, everybody, people age! Deal with it!
Phew. That rant felt good.
SarahO again. Eventually WordPress will discover my new account name but until then I’m still gecko322. Sigh.
Having said that:
1. Bruce Jenner always struck me as the in-love-with-himself type, the perfect candidate for a Joan Rivers facestretch. And what’s with the Captain Stubing getup?
2. Jocelyn Wildenstein, poster girl for the March of GAAAAAA! MY EYES! Foundation. I saw a photo of her before. She looked FINE.
3. I have a friend who has a coat frightening similar to Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear’s (nice photo choice!) She caught me staring at it and she said, “Yeah, I know. It’s made of rodent fur. My mother gave it to me for my birthday so what can I do?” Her mom is Gold Coast via Highland Park.
Do you know that every North Shore suburb has its own personality and fashion sense? It’s true! Highland Parkers prefer er, exuberant fashion, unlike their Lake Forest neighbors who feel quite comfortable in Mummy’s classic ankle-length mink, thank you very much.
That’s a great point about the North Shore! They are SO individual, to be so close. Almost like Europeans.
YAA Adding this to my bookmarks. Thank You