One of the (many) reasons why I’m still single is that I’m a HORRIBLE collaborator.

I’m not a great team player, and although I have to be somewhat teamy at work, I’m a much better individual contributor. I’m just wired that way. I’m an only child, and we tend to either need to have partners in crime, or not. I’m the latter. My friend Lorrie is an only child who’s my polar opposite. She loves a co-conspirator.

People occasionally ask to write articles with me, and I can’t think of anything less appetizing. In true only child fashion, I cringe when I hear anyone say: “We should collaborate on . . . “ I find ways to stave them off, and I’m pretty sure they think I’m being a bitch (which wouldn’t completely unheard of), but it’s not personal. And it’s REALLY not because I think I’m some great writer whose work shouldn’t be tainted (I’m very grateful for my editor). My process simply isn’t organized enough to bring someone else into the fold.

I often write in the middle of the night, sitting in my bed, after having spent the entire day thinking about how I’m going to put it down. I don’t want to talk about it; I want to either write it, or keep thinking about it. I’m introspective, and in my own head a lot.

I don’t want to have ideation sessions, or drafts of outlines. I do that at work, and I only tolerate it because of the amount of money that I’m getting paid, and the fact that what I’m doing during my 55 hour work week is hardly considered creative. When those processes spill over into my creative world, I’m totally miserable. Writing becomes depressing.

In certain cases, the suggestions come from people who aren’t really writers who think their ideas are great, but can’t express themselves. In other cases, the would-be-collaborators are interested in getting something out, but only doing half the work. Sometimes people think that I have a better chance of getting published (little do they know!) In some cases (a very select few – like only one that I can recall), it’s a person who has really given serious thought to our styles and how they would combine.

Or — and this is my fave — it’s a guy who wants to inject a counterpoint to my very opinionated point. I’ve received multitudes of these suggestions – typically from men who recognize me at parties (most of whom have trouble structuring a sentence verbally, giving me low incentive, but I digress).

I’m more aggressive about giving them the Heisman — Dude, if you want to express your opinion, trust me when I tell you that it won’t be in the context of my column. I have no interest in having witty banter with you in print. None whatsoever. That’s not why I write what I write. The purpose of my column is to give perspective, not to berate men. Believe it, or not.