The Power of the word ‘No’

No is probably the first word that we learn as toddlers. It’s so easy to say, and there are so many applications. Somewhere along the way, we are taught that people don’t like to hear the word ‘no,’ and we’re more trained to say ‘yes.’

Even if we don’t want to. Even if to say yes means that your time is being encroached upon, or that there are a whole host of other people in your life that will be disappointed by whatever you’re moving around in order to say ‘yes’ to someone/something else.

I used to bend over backward to accommodate other people, and there are a few things that I’ve learned in the process. First, people rarely reciprocated my efforts. Second, I often neglected something in my own life by jumping on board on someone else’s agenda. Third, the things that I’ve said yes to have occasionally been thankless efforts. No good deed goes unpunished.

So, you know what? For the record? I’m fucking sick and tired of ‘yes.’ I’m stimulating my inner id by bringing ‘no’ back, and it’s sexy as hell. (I’m sure Freud would have a LOT to say about that).

I’m dead serious, though. I’ve made myself a promise – I’m either going to do something and not complain about it, or I’m not going to do it. Sounds fair to me.

The word ‘no’ is the most liberating thing you can say. In just two little letters, you can free up your schedule and avoid doing a bunch of shit you don’t want to do. It can prevent you from injury, and keep you from ruminating for years over how you should have followed your instincts. A bargain at twice the price. The word no can give you something that you might feel that you’re lacking – control over your life.

Let me illustrate . . . a friend asks you to help her move.
Now, let’s be clear . . . NOBODY likes to move, and more importantly, NOBODY wants to help YOU move. I don’t care if it’s your best friend, relative, significant other or parent. No matter how much they love you, almost everyone you know would rather die a slow death of being bitten by dung beetles than go to your house, pack your unorganized dusty shit and move it. Pizza and beer is not a good form of payment.

And let’s face it, after a certain age (25), there are a few things that we must realize: 1) Movers are not a luxury, they are a necessity. If you can’t afford movers, you shouldn’t move unless you can move everything yourself (or employ someone who’s dying to get in your pants). 2) Your friends? With their accumulated sports injuries, back problems and general preoccupations? Are NOT moving professionals! They will drop your shit, and they will break it. And you will be pissed off. As usual, I digress . . .

Back to the point, if any of my friends asks me to help her move, the answer is an unequivocal, immediate no. I’m not going to hem and haw about it. I’m not going to pretend to check my calendar and create a previous engagement. I’m going to say flat-out no. If asked why, I will run through the reasons mentioned in the previous paragraph. I might even donate $20 toward her moving expenses (which saves me $50 on a chiropractor visit), but really? The answer is no. A refreshing no. And if she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, I will remind her that she will hate me anyway after I kamikaze her precious Scandinavian dresser down a flight of stairs in an effort to preserve my manicure (yep, I just turned ‘kamikaze’ into a verb. Whatever.). It’s truly a lose-lose situation.

Is it that I’m trying to be unhelpful? Absolutely not! I’m not a mover, and I’ve learned to stay in my lane.

For my friends that have kids, will I say yes to babysitting? NO! But I will be the friend who takes you out when Junior is driving you crazier than a rat in a coffee can. If you’re job seeking, will I write your resume? No! But I’ll edit the hell out of it and run you through mock interviews. If you ask me to go camping, the answer will be no – unless the cabins are at Camp Four Seasons. In which case I make an amazing spa buddy.

When I can say yes, and when it’s convenient for me to say yes, and when I WANT to say yes, the answer is an enthusiastic YES! When it’s a win-win, the answer is yes, and even if I don’t get anything out of it and I’m doing a favor in the name of friendship, the answer will most likely be yes. If you’re a friend and need my support (that doesn’t involve manual labor or breaking a nail) the answer is definitely yes! And when I say yes, people can rest assured that I mean it.

Tongue firmly rooted in cheek,
Gina B.