Counting down until swimsuit

The thing that’s been looming over my head — haunting me — is a destination wedding coming up at the end of October — mere weeks away.

It’s in Jamaica at an all-inclusive couples resort, and I’m actually looking forward to it. I love the couple that’s getting married, and I’m anticipating a fun group of guests. I don’t even mind that, as a single person going to a couples resort, it’s a more expensive trip for me. I’m just happy to be there to party with the bride and groom, and celebrate their nuptials.

But here’s the problem — I have to get into a bathing suit. Gaaa!

It’s one thing to go to an island and get into the bikini with people that I will never see again. But with people that I KNOW??? Brutal.

I suppose I COULD arm myself with a few beach muumuus and remain covered up the entire time — under the guise of protecting myself from the harsh UV rays. But who am I fooling? I never met a water activity that I didn’t like, and the minute the water-skiing instructor appears, will rip off the coverup and go running toward the boat.

So, I’m working out. I’ve been trying to be good all summer, but now I’m getting my Biggest Loser last chance workout in — for the next 30 days.

If you see me and I’m grumpy and sore, you’ll know why! Also, if you see me stocking up on sarongs, you’ll also know why!

I’m ba-ack

It was a good trip, but I’m glad to be back. I loved being away, but I clearly have relaxation issues. The concept of waking up and having nothing to do but go to the beach was something that would take some time getting used to. More than the five days that I was away. Lorrie brought up the point that I would have gone crazy had my beloved Blackberry not been operational. She might have a point. I was essentially glued to the thing the entire time. Yep, I’m pathetic.

On another note, I’m MCing a charity event in October (don’t laugh). It’s for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and it will be held on October 11th in Bucktown. Click here for more information. I’m normally pretty weird about being on panels, because they’re often about being attacked, or fielding arguments with fellow opinionated panelists. This, however, will be a lot of fun. It’s a great cause, and I can’t think of anything more delectable than auctioning off young hotties.

If you’re interested in being an auctioned bachelor, let me know. If you would like to attend, feel free.

Today’s nasty bus sighting: someone had apparently been to McDonald’s, purchased a value meal that contained one of their behemoth burgers, a big-big-biggie fry and the Mickey-D equivalent of a Big Gulp. This person finished his/her meal, and left the paper remnants licked clean and neatly laying on the set behind mine. The funny this is that several people went to sit in the seat, but caught themselves right before their asses hit wrappers, sticky from ketchup. I wonder if anyone’s moved it yet.

Ola from Mexico

I came down here to Puerto Vallarta a few days ago to get away from the city. It took me exactly one day to pull out the laptop, and I was pleased to realize that the Blackberry works down here — although God only knows how much I’ve racked up in overages from making phone calls. But a girl’s gotta keep up, right?

We’re staying in a resort called Paradise Village, which is largely comprised of timeshares. I was invited by my friend Lorrie and her mother, who visit here annually. They hardly let you get your foot on Mexican soil before giving you the hardsell for a timeshare. They bribe you with a free breakfast, and discounts on activities to make you sit through a 90-minute spiel. And I’m embarassed to admit that I allowed myself to be pimped out for a percentage off of water sports and a couple of slices of french toast (which was muy bien, by the way).

I decided against signing my life away, with the notion that I might sponge off of Lorrie and her mother’s timeshare more often. Well, not really. But they do invite me every year, and I never come for various reasons. First, I don’t relax well. It’s a flaw. Second, I was freelance for a long, LONG time, and always thought I was going to miss a project. Third, which actually relates to the first, I’m really not the lay-out-on-the-beach-at-a-resort type. I don’t really need to get any darker, necessarily, and I typically last about 1/2 hour before getting antsy and saying “Okay, so NOW what?”

Let’s put it this way . . . everything I believed about myself is true — as is evidenced by the fact that I’m blogging right now instead of boogie boarding.

Not that I’m not having a good time. I really am. I’m having a great time. I’m concerned, however, that I’m eating my way through this city, and Mexican food isn’t exactly known for being light. I’m staying away from the things that I know are deady — such as creamy drinks and excessive amounts of refried beans (with the following exception. I had to at least sample ONE coconut mango margarita, didn’t I???).

By the way . . . say NOTHING about the hair.

Chips have been the enemy. The fortunate thing is that our penthouse suite has a kitchen (two, in fact), which means that I can stock it with thigh-friendly snacks, like cereal, dried apricots, and mega bottles of water.

The best parts of this trip are being able to hang out w/Lorrie, who I don’t normally get to spend this much time with, and coming in close contact with wild animals. There are a few monkeys in a cage on the property, and I’ve already made friends with one of them — he’s a baby, and I think he wants to come home with me. He’s about the only kind of baby I would bring home.

Some of you have asked if there are cute guys down here. The answer is a resounding no. Not that I was looking, but this is more of a family resort. If you’re a single girl with a hook-up plan, this resort is not the place for you. However, if you’re looking for a country full of flirtatious natives, Mexico just might be your spot.

I’ll be back very soon, and I’m kind of looking forward to getting back in the swing of things, although I’ve had a great time here. I wonder if I’ll ever get the sand out of my suitcase?